22
by I'vegotsoulbutI'mnotasoldier
Summary: A not so bright look into Serena's future. Because at some point you can't just glide through life without any effort anymore. Set to Lily Allen's song 22.


**When I listened to 22 from Lily Allen and saw the video, I had to think of Serena and her future for some reason. I always thought that Serena wouldn't be able to just glide through life forever and I find that this song describes my vision of how she could end up if things go wrong for her. Anyway the song is brilliant and I highly recommend watching the music video. **

_When she was 22 the future looked bright  
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night  
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye  
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why_

She walked into the ladies room of one of New York's many clubs, she wasn't so sure which one, because there were so many and they were all so alike and the fact that she had had more than just a few drinks didn't really help the whole thing. But it wasn't like that mattered. No, what really mattered was making sure that she looked good so she would find a guy tonight.

Rather rudely she made space for herself in front of the mirrors and starred at her reflection. There was no way a guy would dig her when she looked like that. She sighed and put her make-up out of her sequined purse and started working on her face absentmindedly. Her thoughts drifted away, to better times. Five, no maybe seven years ago fixing her make-up would have been an excuse to keep a guy waiting (just because she could) not a necessity.

Yeah when she was 22 things had really looked great. She had been _Serena van der Woodsen_. And there had been no need to explain that. She had been what everyone wanted, stunningly beautiful. Her gorgeous blond curls, the perfect tall and slim figure in the oh-so fashionable clothes with just the right amount of curves. Dazzling. That's what she had been.

Now she was twenty-nine, on the verge of what was the dreaded age for every woman. But she felt like everything was already over now. She still went out like a crazy teenager, but it wasn't for fun anymore, it was a flight. And now she really had to fix her face. Cover up that wrinkles she was getting much too young despite her good genes (blame the damn partying, all that alcohol and the other stuff). Make her hair look representable (messy is a look you can pull off with 22. With 29? Not so much.) She pulled her dress up a little because it showed way too much cleavage. Unfortunately by this it was hiked up on her leg way too much. (That's the problem if you dress like someone who really wants it, Blair would tell her, merciless.) How did she end up being that person? She was Serena van der Woodsen, for heaven's sake! That had to count for something. 

It's sad but it's true how society says  
Her life is already over  
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say  
Till the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder  
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

But it didn't anymore. Especially not with guys who thought they could use her, just like that. She still hoped to find her prince charming, that guy who would make it all okay. Just like Blair had found hers in Chuck. He was arguably not the typical man of your dreams, but he cared for Blair and they made it work for at least ten years now, so yeah she was definitely envious. Not that she wanted Chuck. But she wanted what Blair had with him. It was so rare nowadays, that people found their happily ever after.

And most people would argue that she had still left lots of time to find the guy who was right for her. She was just 29 after all, people got easily thrice as old nowadays. But where she lived, 29, or dare 30, was old. If you hadn't made it until then, you'd never make it and you'd become one of those desperate persons everyone whispered about with a sad smile, but never really cared for.

_She's got an alright job but it's not a career  
Wherever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears_

And to think of the fact that she had been so close to having it all. When she had been 22, she had been a successful model, known everywhere, wanted by everyone. But she had never really had a career, just jobs, no real education, because her stupid 18-year-old self had decided that she didn't need Brown. Not like Blair, who had been so successful, first at NYU, later at Columbia, who had seemingly effortlessly built up her own event planning agency that was now operating all around the world and rewarded for its innovative green concept. 

Cause all she wants is a boyfriend  
She gets one-night stands  
She's thinking how did I get here  
I'm doing all that I can

But her lack of a real career, right now she was some kind of an advisor in a modeling agency and did the occasional photo shot, wouldn't have been so bad if there had been someone she could share her life with. That special someone who was so desperately lacking in her life. Another thing she had royally screwed up. She had had so many shots, with Nate it had lasted for a while, but when he had wanted to settle, inspired by Blair's and Chuck's marriage, she hadn't been ready. And her relationship with Carter had also failed because he was way too good at confronting her with her problems, which she couldn't stand. Her attempt at reconciliation with Dan, she didn't even want to think of. It had been a horrible, excruciating mess and at its end they had effectively destroyed whatever connection and friendship they once had. Since then she had had no real relationships anymore, just one-night stands and short-lived affairs, once even with a married man (It had been a disaster, not like she hadn't learned that lesson ages ago.) And it wasn't like she wasn't trying or undeserving of a good guy. She just had never learnt how to be interesting, except via her looks.

_It's sad but it's true how society says  
Her life is already over  
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say  
Till the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder  
It seems so unlikely in this day and age_

Furiously she shook her now much improved looking face. So what if Blair still was all perfect and winkle-free, despite already having two kids (twins none the less). So what if she was not just a successful businesswoman but also actively working for many charity projects? She still was Serena van der Woodsen, and she didn't constantly have to compare herself with her brunette best friend. Still it was some kind of irony of fate that while Blair had always felt inferior to her during their teenage years, the tables now had been completely turned. But where was the point in dwelling on this. The guy of her dreams might very well be outside there (right?) so she just had to go out and stop whining in the bathroom. Society might think her life was already over, but she was going to prove them wrong. (And really, what else could she do?)

**I hope you liked it, please review!**


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